


We Only Knew of Beginnings, Not of Endings

by minshuas



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: 12 Princes March Fest, Angst, Apocalypse, End of the World, M/M, Mass Death, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Side Pairing: Newmoon, Soulmates, Souls, There is vaguely some angel/demon reaches. It's like a complicated metaphor or something., This doesn't even make sense.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-03-29 02:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13917339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minshuas/pseuds/minshuas
Summary: When Sangyeon was born, the world quaked. Maybe it was the only one let in on the secret.





	We Only Knew of Beginnings, Not of Endings

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first contribution to the boyz fandom!  
> sangcob was not my first choice to write, but it has an  
> incredible quality surrounding it! honestly i find their  
> personalities fun and they have really good chemistry  
> (plus i'm a sucker for sang being soft for jacob)
> 
> the prompt was from 12 princes: A meets his soulmate at the end of the world. 
> 
> i edited that prompt so i'm so sorry if this is like  
> completely terrible? i tried writing an apocalyptic universe  
> but i couldn't make any headway, so i hope and i think this  
> still works, but gosh i'm sorry if it doesn't. sometimes i'm too  
> creative with my departures and i stray too far from the prompt...  
> it is "a meets his soulmate at the end of the world" only, no one  
> knows it is really the end of the world until it happens. 
> 
> please read the tags for trigger warnings! this fic does contain  
> end of the world themes and that might make people uneasy!
> 
> this was beta-read by my wonderful sister, @kiminseong

– _ If he speaks, the world burns _ . 

⚡

Sangyeon knows better than to dig his fingernails into his throat. What would he be reaching for? If he is searching for his own voice, then it could be easily found. Speaking, the function of it, is not unknown to him. However, it is forbidden. His parents had decided that rather than dissect the rumors that dogged him, they would silence him. “For safety,” would be their claims, but in what world would one child be the key to ending humanity? Power like that is reserved for Gods or Demons or fiction. No one actually could be the root of disaster, of death, of destruction. 

Right? 

Then why is Sangyeon so fearful of speaking? Could it be that deep, deep down in his gut, he knows that it must be true? That in the deepest, darkest part of him, he can feel that calamity rising up a little more every year? Rumors didn’t ever have to be the truth, but as far-fetched as this one is, it just could be. Usually, it is those rumors that one thinks can’t possibly be true that end up being the truest. But does Sangyeon know his own capabilities? Can he feel his own darkness? Doesn’t he know that normal hasn’t ever existed? 

One day, the world will be set on fire. Desire, the scorn of humanity, would bring about flames. Could that be Sangyeon’s legacy? To succumb to desire so completely that he disobeys the laws of his universe? His parents clearly saw his threat, but others didn’t. They heard the whispers. Many feared him, but no one could truly, and blindly, believe in the end of the world through one boy. But people usually had a much bigger concern to focus on than one strange, mute boy from Seoul and his possible apocalyptic nature: finding their soulmate. 

⚡

Most days, his birthmark, along with millions of others, doesn’t move. Still, he notes the micromovements down in the back of his favorite book. Every movement closer to the tip of his finger is a step closer to the day Sangyeon will meet his soulmate. It might be dramatic to admit, but the day of his meeting is the only reason he still gets up in the morning. No one wants to find out that their soulmate is lifeless, but it’d be a lie for Sangyeon to say he has any ambition. Honestly, he’s solely existing for the hope that the future won’t be as bleak as his past and present. The red coil tells him how much time he has left before he can move on from stagnancy. Everyone has one: a red coil. It vaguely looks like a ball of thread that is unwinding. Usually, it starts on the right shoulder of a newly born and moves across the back and down the length of their left arm, reaching towards the tip of their ring finger. Sometimes, it will wind around each finger because the further the distance, the more thread in the coil. 

Sangyeon’s mother knows someone like that. She had such a long thread that it curled around her arm and her wrist in small bracelets before winding around each finger before settling atop her ring finger. Sangyeon’s own coil might be like that. Unlike his parents, his line moves slowly and there’s so much of it left. It gives him no insight on when he might meet his soulmate. 

“It’ll be your happiest day,” says Chanhee. At the private school that he goes to, Sangyeon has one friend. Most of the students have heard the rumors about him, so they don’t linger too close to him. Chanhee doesn’t believe that Sangyeon could hurt a fly, plus, he doesn’t care that Sangyeon doesn’t talk. It is rare to find someone willing to try to bridge the communication gap between him and others, but Chanhee thinks that Sangyeon has plenty of attitude without needing to use words. He also doesn’t mind patiently waiting for him to write down his thoughts and share them that way. Words, in Chanhee’s opinion, are superfluous to Sangyeon. Whenever he says that, Sangyeon has half a mind to beat him with his dry erase board. If he couldn’t speak for an eternity, how trapped would he feel?

It doesn’t matter. Sangyeon tilts his head in askance because Chanhee must have more to say. 

They’ve known each other long enough to communicate soundlessly sometimes. Chanhee usually knows what one of Sangyeon’s looks mean without having to inquire about it, but that never stops him from asking about it. “I wouldn’t know, clearly. Mine is practically as long as yours, but I’ve heard…” Chanhee’s sleeves are too long for his arms, so he presses the fabric against his lips to hide his mouth as he talks. It muffles his speech just slightly, but Sangyeon can understand him perfectly. “My parents talk about their meeting all the time. It is such a romantic story…” A sigh slips from between his lips and Sangyeon wishes he could laugh at him. Chanhee’s a romantic, a dreamer, the exact opposite of Sangyeon. Maybe he got it from his parents. Sangyeon’s own parents had only ever told their meeting story once. It hadn’t been extraordinary in the slightest. Nearly every meeting is just two people running into each other. Fate takes the reins for just long enough so that two people meet. His mother had been getting off a train and she dropped her bag. His father picked it up. 

Fate gave them to each other, or at least, Chanhee would say something along those lines. Sangyeon can’t decide how he feels about the subject of meetings. Aren’t there too many people for everyone to meet their soulmates? Shouldn’t it be impossible to meet one person out of 7.6 billion? Sangyeon couldn’t just rely on fate because he couldn’t understand it. Why did it decide to curse him in the same breath that it blessed millions of others? And why did he get to have a soulmate scouring the world for him when all he would eventually do was end it? There seems to be little logic in it, but he supposes that he can’t totally screw up the lawful order of society. 

“Don’t you ever think about how your meeting might go? It’s going to happen by the time we turn eighteen and you are less than a year away from that.”  _ Don’t remind me,  _ Sangyeon wants to warn Chanhee not to get onto this topic because he’ll only end up disappointing him. It isn’t a subject that he’s comfortable talking about. Did a person like Sangyeon even deserve to have a soulmate? What if his birthmark is just all for show? How stupid Sangyeon would feel if that were the case. But it isn’t a normal day if Chanhee hasn’t jumped onto the topic of soulmates or the movements of his birthmark. His is tangled around his elbow right now, almost identical to Sangyeon’s. 

In reply, Sangyeon shrugs. It doesn’t matter to him when he meets his soulmate, just that he does. Chanhee worries about the other specifics enough for him and Sangyeon combined. But turning eighteen isn’t the cut-off for the occurence of a meeting. Plenty of people have their meetings during their eighteenth year, after their birthday. It is that unpredictable nature of people’s wandering minds that gives room for error. Even fate can’t completely account for how a person’s mind might change concerning the multitude of decisions they make. There’s no part of humanity that is entirely certain. There are too many factors to be considered. All of it is just probability. 

Because he’s irritated with Sangyeon’s cold shoulder, Chanhee disengages from the conversation. Leaning back in his seat, he lets out a small sigh. “I hope I’m there when you meet your soulmate, and I hope that it is so romantic that it turns you into a loserly  _ sap _ .” The threat just glances off of Sangyeon because it isn’t real. Whenever he finds his soulmate, if he has one, then he’ll probably think differently about all of it, but that doesn’t change his current feelings. Maybe he’s so sour about it because when he meets his soulmate he won’t even be able to talk to them. Regardless of what Chanhee thinks, words are everything to Sangyeon, he needs them. 

⚡

Chanhee won’t be there when Sangyeon meets his soulmate, he’ll be a little too late. But Sangyeon is there when Chanhee meets his. Their school does a yearly exchange program with several other, random countries. This year a crop of students from North America have been freshly harvested alongside some from China, the Middle East, and France.  _ They’re bright and inventive!  _ All the teachers swoon at the prospect of new, capable students to teach. Sangyeon wonders why they can’t just be happy with Chanhee’s brain to pick through. He’s smarter than his years in a way that is terrifying, yet also charming. He’s probably smarter than any student they could pluck from anywhere else. Or Sangyeon might just be a little proud of Chanhee’s academic achievements. They didn’t need international students to be a top school. All they needed was to recognize the talent that they had. 

Though, a lot of the transfer programs sent over the students with the longest tangles  _ and  _ the highest grades. These programs gave people a chance to find their soulmate if their thread was coiled a little too tightly. Some people didn’t have the funds to travel to find their soulmate, so they either had to depend on these programs or fate. 

Meetings are never truly private. Usually, they happen in the middle of a busy day. They ruin the normalcy of life because ultimately, lives change dramatically after a meeting. A person’s life is no longer about them, instead their focus becomes their soulmate, their life partner. History books say that these bonds are formed over eons. The concept of soulmates comes from the stars. Sangyeon doesn’t know if he can believe that all  _ people  _ started off as  _ stars _ , but hardly anyone dares to question history aloud. If someone doesn’t believe in a part of the system, then they shouldn’t voice those opinions to anyone other than their soulmate. The bound between soulmates is one that transcends faults.  

It isn’t quite as romantic as it sounds. Sangyeon thinks it is creepy. He doesn’t want to have a soulmate that accepts his flaws and all. Would his soulmate forgive him if he did have the power to end the world? That would mean that Sangyeon would kill everyone they’ve ever loved: friends, family, pets, place. He knows that if his soulmate happened to enjoy the feel of warm blood in the midst of a spontaneous kill, then he wouldn’t be able to just look past that. So, how could anyone just look past the rumors burned into Sangyeon’s skin? No one should be required to enjoy the company of someone evil and corrupt. Why would anyone? 

Why should someone enjoy being with him?

Chanhee’s life partner’s name is Kevin. When they meet, it isn’t terribly romantic like Chanhee wishes, but Sangyeon’s  _ never  _ seen the type of happiness that lights Kevin’s whole face up when he realizes that Chanhee is his soulmate. It’s like he’s coming home from the longest day of the hardest labor. Chanhee’s books almost clatter out of his hands because he’s shaking so badly. Sangyeon’s never seen him so nervous. He wishes that he could understand the feeling so that he might be able to help alleviate some of the torture that is pulling Chanhee apart. Carefully, Chanhee’s birthmark slides from his pinky to reach towards the tip of his ring finger. With every step towards Kevin, the closer his line gets to its goal. Sangyeon doesn’t noticing he’s holding his breath until Kevin speaks. The anxiety of the moment shatters into something soft, and Sangyeon feels the need to turn away. 

There’s a sweetness to their meeting, but it turns into bitterness as Chanhee winds his arm around Kevin’s. Jealousy burns hot against Sangyeon’s cheeks as he watches them from the corner of his eyes. He realizes that he’s losing something, but he doesn’t exactly understand what. If he could, then he would ask a higher power to postpone Chanhee’s meeting for just a little longer. He needs Chanhee to be his for a little while longer. Fear tricks him into thinking that if he belongs to someone else, then there’s no way for Sangyeon to cope. 

And when he’s alone, it really does seem like a curse.

⚡

There are plenty of other exchange students, but Kevin only talks about one. “Jacob, he’s a singer,” is how he introduces him the first time. “He’s not from the same area as me, but we can talk about home and practically mean the same place.” A laugh slips into the air, but Sangyeon isn’t paying attention to Kevin really. Instead, he’s looking at the red line on his arm and wondering how everyone with long threads finds their soulmate. Is Jacob’s thread just as long as Kevin’s is? He knows better than to ask about it. It’d seem desperate of him. 

“He wants to meet you.” A beat too late, Sangyeon realizes that he’s not talking to Chanhee for once.  Jacob wants to meet  _ him _ . Has he already met Chanhee? Does Chanhee enjoy spending time with Kevin and his friends more than he enjoys spending time with Sangyeon? Are they drifting already? Dumbly, he blinks at Kevin, unable to form a coherent reply even though he knows his board is just beside him. 

“We’d love to,” Chanhee glances away from Sangyeon when he realizes that there’s a war raging where no one can see. In situations like this, Chanhee has to assert himself, otherwise, Sangyeon will just live in his silence. Kevin’s gaze doesn’t waver from Sangyeon though. For some reason, he’s impervious to Chanhee’s charm. Unlike others, Kevin doesn’t hyperfixate on Chanhee when he’s in a room, instead, Kevin notices there are others around him. He cares about what Sangyeon has to say. Quickly, after an imploring look, Chanhee adds, “After school one day?”

An easy smile overtakes Kevin’s features as he inclines his head towards Sangyeon. “Is that okay with you?”

It isn’t. Or well, it is, but only because Kevin’s so nice. He’s too nice. It’s incredibly difficult to say no to him without having a good excuse, especially when he spends so much of his time making people feel like their opinions also matter. So, Sangyeon shrugs because it can’t hurt anything if he makes a new friend. Kevin proved himself to be trustworthy and kind, so maybe he kept similar company. Plus, it never hurts Sangyeon to make Chanhee happy. 

Sangyeon’s birthmark unwinds completely while Chanhee and Kevin discuss the details, but no one even notices. No normalcy is interrupted as the thread curls once around the base of his ring finger. It is just his soul, reaching out for something, for someone, just in the distance. Only, Sangyeon doesn’t get to know that yet. 

⚡

(“Why doesn’t he talk?” Kevin feels compelled to ask.  _ It’s for Jacob, just in case _ , he tries to convince himself, but he knows that Jacob wouldn’t mind if they all just sat in silence during the meal. It’s a hypothesis that Kevin wants to test: Is Sangyeon Jacob’s life partner? It’s a wild idea, but stranger things have happened. For instance, Sangyeon whole existence seems pretty bizarre. He’s well-known even in Canada. There, he’s known as the “Apocalypse Boy,” but here… Here he’s only known as Sangyeon.  

It is the only topic that completely derails Chanhee. Any mention of Sangyeon’s past has him silenced. Maybe it is because Chanhee has no right to tell Kevin about Sangyeon, instead, Kevin should be asking Sangyeon his questions. They both know that Sangyeon wouldn’t answer any of them, but it’d feel better morally. When Chanhee had first asked him about it, he had become erratic. Anger, in its purest form, lived inside Sangyeon, but no one got to see it. No one could know about the angry Sangyeon because he would scare the world into silence. The subject was never brought up again, but Chanhee’s parents filled in the story for him. He wanted desperately to hear it from Sangyeon, but he knew that he never would. His parents were the next most trustworthy sources because they had heard it from Sangyeon’s parents. Everyone who knew anything about Sangyeon had heard about it from his parents. 

Kevin wants to hear it from Chanhee. It shouldn’t be Chanhee that tells him, but he doesn’t want there to be any secrets lingering between them. This is only the start of their relationship, but it is meant to be timeless. Chanhee wants it to remain uncontaminated. No relationship has ever meant more to him than his friendship with Sangeyon, but now that Kevin’s here, he feels complete and full and right. That’s where everything gets complicated for Chanhee. He knows better than to challenge the universe to a fight he can’t win, but Sangeyon is still so important to him too. His whole world cannot solely be Kevin when Sangyeon needs him. 

“He can speak,” This is the only part of the story he wants to give Kevin, but he knows that it springs as many questions as it answers, “but I’ve never heard him.” Across from him, Kevin leans in to give him his full attention. It gives Chanhee a moment to draw in a shaky breath: just talking about Sangyeon without him being there feels like betrayal. “His parents think he’s cursed,” he starts. It is a rough start to a terrible story, but he wants Kevin to know the severity of the situation from the beginning. He doesn’t need to learn about it along the way. “When he was born, the hospital erupted in flames. As he grew up, fires would swallow their family homes or forest fires would spring up nearby. People would die in them. At first, they thought it only was a strange coincidence, but no matter how many times they moved, those coincidences followed them. Only then did they start believing he was cursed.” It feels like telling a ghost story, but it’s Sangyeon’s reality. It is what people really believe about him. Maybe that’s why he can’t stop the snort that escapes him after he’s finished with his summary. 

Kevin sits up, surprised by the condescending sound. “You don’t believe them?” He sounds genuinely curious about what Chanhee thinks about Sangyeon’s fabricated past. Usually, Sangyeon is one of the only people truly interested in what Chanhee is thinking about, but now Kevin is here with a gentle touch. With Sangyeon, Chanhee never knew if he really wanted to hear them or if he just couldn’t appropriately say no. Either way, this is new territory for Chanhee. He isn’t familiar with someone genuinely caring about his opinion. 

Humming, he tries to think of an appropriately worded answer, but nothing’s easy when it comes to talking about Sangyeon. “I don’t think he’s cursed,” he settles for, but he wants to add more.  _ There’s something going on _ . He’s seen Sangyeon’s anger so he knows that there is something beneath his surface. He just doesn’t know what it is yet. He doesn’t know if he wants to know what it is. Sangyeon has never hurt him, but whenever Sangyeon goes, tragedy ends up following him. There’s been a fire in every city he’s ever visited. Something like that, it can’t just be a coincidence. Deep down, Chanhee just hopes that he’s an arsonist. It is the most rational explanation  for the irrationality that plagues him, but he has to admit that the air feels thinner the closer Sangyeon is. “I do think its  _ weird _ . Not Sangyeon, but everything that happens around him. It doesn’t add up in my head. My parents blindly believed his, but knowing him, I couldn’t do that. Aren’t people cursed because they did something wrong? Sangyeon isn’t bad… He’s never done anything bad.” 

More than anything, Chanhee doesn’t want Kevin to think Sangyeon is actually cursed. He needs him to believe  _ him _ , not what the rumors say or what his parents made up. He wants Kevin to think it is as unfair as he thinks it is. Sangyeon deserves more than people who look down on him for baseless rumors. “He’s nice,” Kevin nods in agreement. “You two are really close. It’s important to have a friend like that. Before Jacob, I never really had that kind of relationship, but he taught me how important it is to have a close friend. I’m glad that the rumors don’t ruin your image of him. I hope others don’t think too ill of him either.”  

The other people don’t matter to Sangyeon, but Chanhee wishes that they thought well of him too. He knows that in reality they just avoid him as though he’s contagious. There’s a loose thread on Chanhee’s sweater, he toys with it absentmindedly. Sangyeon isn’t dangerous, but everyone thinks his vow of silence is odd. No one is willing to accommodate him. Even teachers gloss over him as though he isn’t even there. It’s so unfair. Chanhee can’t understand why all these people don’t see him as he is. Everyone just treats him like he’s invisible when he’s a person. He’s right there in front of them.  _ He’s a real person _ . 

Unexpectedly, warmth surrounds him. Kevin’s arms are around him for the first time. It is a comfort that Chanhee doesn’t understand. It doesn’t feel like his parents holding him. This kind of comfort envelopes him and makes him feel at peace. Suddenly, he feels safe. It feels  _ right  _ in Kevin’s arms. “It’s not fair,” he whispers into the crook of Kevin’s neck. His hands rub consolingly into his back. It’s an infinite sensation. There’s a timelessness between them that he never wants to let go of. “It isn’t fair at all.” 

And that’s all Chanhee wants him to understand: this world isn’t fair to Lee Sangyeon, but it should be.)

⚡

_ Jacob _ is as bright as the sun. He has the prettiest smile that Sangyeon has ever seen. When he walks into the crowded cafe, it feels like a whole garden is blooming inside Sangyeon. Their threads reach for one another without them realizing it. Jacob walks over to his table without the slightest bit of confidence in his stride. It is as though he isn’t quite sure of where he’s supposed to be, but as soon as he reaches Sangyeon, his smile grows and he bows. “It is  _ so  _ nice to meet you!” His voice is higher than Sangyeon expected, but it is also so, so soft. Already, Jacob has power over him. His whole body is quaking in anticipation and anxiety. Does Jacob notice? Can he tell how anxious he makes Sangyeon just by standing before him? For some reason, Sangyeon hopes that he doesn’t. He knows that there are supposed to be no secrets between him and his soulmate, but he wants to keep this to himself. It is the most private moment he’s ever had in midst of a crowd. “Have you ordered yet?” He asks, innocently, and Sangyeon realizes that he has no idea who he really is. He knows nothing about him, but he’s making his body tremble. 

He’s come earlier than Kevin or Chanhee, so Sangyeon is left to drown in these open waters alone. Meeting people has always been hard for Sangyeon, but Jacob should be an anomly. The way he approached Sangyeon without fear already proves that he’s not the same as the rest of the population that surrounds them. Quickly, to answer him, Sangyeon grabs his board from his bag beside him.  _ No _ , he writes, then:  _ Nice to meet you too.  _

There’s a chance that Kevin’s warned Jacob about Sangyeon. That might be why Jacob doesn’t seem affected by Sangyeon’s mutism. Instead of freezing up, he just slides into the seat across from Sangyeon. “Cool,” he never stops smiling. It makes Sangyeon want to turn into ash because it makes his breath catch every time his smiles are directed at him. His whole being yearns to be close to Jacob. If he could talk, then he would tell Jacob everything. No topic would be off limits because he would want to hear Jacob’s opinions on everything. “Chanhee and Kevin aren’t here yet, right? I was hoping to get a chance to meet you without them here. Kevin can be a little pushy.” His laugh is as beautiful as the rest of him. Sangyeon feels blessed that his hearing isn’t what is impaired because he doesn’t know what he would do if he had to go his whole life without hearing Jacob’s intonations. Everything about him is so heartbreakingly beautiful that it tears Sangyeon’s insides up. His heart hurts because of Jacob. All his life, he’s only know how to hurt, but Jacob is pure light. His entire being is made of goodness. If Sangyeon is a demon, then Jacob is an angel. Maybe his touch could heal him completely. 

The concept of soulmates had always felt so foreign to Sangyeon, but now that Jacob is here, across from him, he understands Chanhee, his parents, the whole world and their obsession with the concept. He wants to know everything there is to know about him. Meetings had seemed so awkward to Sangyeon, as an onlooker, but now that he knows how it feels to be apart of a meeting, he feels excited at the prospect of others getting the chance to feel this way. A part of him longs to apologize to Chanhee for discrediting his meeting, even if he had never done it aloud. This is a moment that is pivotal to everyone. The whole universe changes in an instance because of  _ eye contact _ . How wild is that? It sounds impossible, but once it happens, it makes so much sense.

Quickly, Sangyeon slides his arm against the board to erase the words already there.  _ How long have you known Kevin?  _ He asks, inclining his head after he shows Jacob the board. Jacob reads it quietly, then his gaze jumps back to Sangyeon as though he possesses a magnetic pull that keeps him from looking anywhere else for too long. Kevin and Chanhee’s arrival won’t ruin this, but Sangyeon doesn’t want to share it with them. Shouldn’t he have a chance to be selfish? He’s about due for acting in his own self interest since he’s been condemned to a life of silence. Plus Jacob is his selfishness: he is the one thing that Sangyeon actually  _ has _ to himself. Would Jacob leave with him if he asked? All he wants to do is go on a walk with him, to be alone with him. Asking him to leave with him is too forward of a move though, and Jacob doesn’t deserve to be forced into spending time with him. Sure, they are partners, but partners aren’t required to always be together. If he started their relationship with those expectations for Jacob, then not only would he be a hypocrite for getting upset whenever Chanhee spends his whole day with Kevin, but he’d also be asking Jacob to wait on his every need. That’s a selfishness he doesn’t want to act on. For now, Sangyeon could have just a little bit of Jacob’s attention. For now, just a little could be enough. 

“Well,” Jacob starts. His voice sounds fond already. “We didn’t start going to school together until this year, but before that, our mothers were old high school friends. They are practically inseparable, even after drifting apart, they didn't want to stay apart. Kevin and I used to joke about how they seemed more like partners than our parents did.” Laughter fills the cafe and Sangyeon wants to soak in this happiness everyday for the rest of his life. Warmth spreads throughout his chest and he has to stop himself from leaning forward to twine their fingers together. They’ve only met, but Sangyeon is enamored with Jacob and his luminosity. If only he could touch Jacob, then that would quell the quaking of his body. Or at least, it might in this moment. In the next, he might need more than just a simple touch, but for now, that could end a tragedy. “How long have you known Chanhee?” This conversation is a give-and-take, a question for a question. It feels nice to have someone genuinely interested in getting to know Sangyeon. Jacob’s patient enough to wait for him to write his answer out in neat handwriting before moving on. It makes Sangyeon feel at ease; it makes him feel like he doesn’t need to rush to tell Jacob everything. 

An employee casts an inquiring look towards their table as though they’ve never seen customers waiting for their friends before ordering. Sangyeon catches Jacob shaking his head out of the corner of his eye. Is this about Sangyeon? He always has to wonder when strangers are involved because he knows that parents are quick to push their children away from him like he’s a monster. Maybe this employee is trying to see if Jacob needs an escape. There isn’t a person in the city who hasn’t heard about him by now, so no one can trust him. No one except for Chanhee, and now, Jacob. He can’t blame the others though, because if he saw himself, then he wouldn’t be able to trust himself either. 

Trying to put the bad out of his mind, Sangyeon focuses on answering Jacob’s question.  _ About three years. We moved here about then. He’s the only one not scared of me.  _ Discreetly, he points towards the employee that has moved on from Sangyeon and Jacob. Now, he’s making a drink with his back to them. Messily, Sangyeon slides a hand across his board.  _ He is watching us because he knows of me.  _

“Does he think you’re dangerous?” Jacob leans his elbows against the table. His smile doesn’t disappear with the question and he doesn’t appear to be scared of him. To be able to be the kind of person that doesn’t immediately cast judgement on others is more than impressive. It takes an amount of patience that Sangyeon can’t fathom. Jacob’s the smartest person in the city because he’s figured out how to play with fairness. The way he looks at Sangyeon communicates so much and makes Sangyeon relax. 

Still, the question is serious. All he can do is shrug. Even if he doesn’t think he’s dangerous, he definitely is anxious because of him. Sangyeon’s never done anything to anyone, but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t dangerous. With one word, he could blow this entire city away, or at least, that’s what his parents have led the world to believe. It’s been so long since he’s spoken that he doesn’t remember any previous damage he’s done. All he knows is that his parents had been deathly serious when they warned him about speaking. Words had come so easy to him, but he couldn’t use any of them. His mouth is no longer familiar with the sounds even though he knows he could manage them if he tried. The real curse is that Sangyeon can’t use his voice when it wants to be heard. He had been five years old when his parents silenced him indefinitely. A wildfire had broken out through a nearby forest and they had had enough. 

Now, at eighteen, he feels useless when he tries to communicate with anyone. All his words are pen and paper or board and marker. Some are spoken in silent gestures: a nod or some movements of the hand, but nothing could express him how he longed to define himself. His silence would never be able to describe all his feelings. He would never be able to define himself in the ways he wanted to, but how  _ desperately  _ he wants to try to speak. There is so much he has to say: to Chanhee, to his parents, to Jacob, to the world. But there’s no time to say any of it. Even in the darkest vacuum, his spoken words could cause eruptions. 

_ Please understand _ , Sangyeon is in the midst of writing when Chanhee and Kevin enter. Jacob’s eyes are following the track that his marker is taking, but as soon as Sangyeon hears Chanhee’s voice ringing above the crowd, he swipes his hand over the board. “No way!” Chanhee is exclaiming. Somehow, he knows immediately. His eyes follow the red lines visible on their bare skin. Others in the cafe turn to see what the commotion is about, but once they notice it involves Sangyeon, they grow uneasy. Some turn away, but most start whispering. Sangyeon wishes he knew what about him unnerved everyone so much. He wants to know what is so wrong with him that he has to keep quiet while everyone around him is able to share words of hatred. He doesn’t want words for the bad stuff, he wants words for the good things. Why is that so bad? How is he so different from everyone else? He’s allowed to sit among them and to have his own meeting, but he’s not allowed to use his voice in any way. No one could even be sure of his curse.  _ He  _ didn’t even know if he had a curse. Why does everyone have a right to gossip about something they know nothing about, but Sangyeon can’t even explain himself for fear of himself? He hopes that everyone chokes on their gossip. If no one wanted to give him a chance to seem normal, then he wouldn’t give them a chance to know him. He’s a spectacle no matter where he goes. That will never change. 

Kevin makes a high-pitched noise that is filled with excitement as he pulls Jacob right out of his seat and into his arms. “I’m so happy for you!” He exclaims and they bounce up and down as though this is a private moment they are sharing back at their house. For them, it is fine to be embarrassing. Chanhee and him could never do anything like this, but Sangyeon can’t help but to smile because they are both so happy for them. This a moment that they both have been waiting to share for a long time. 

Chanhee is quick to take the seat next to Sangyeon while Jacob and Kevin are having their moment. “Look at that.” He’s tracing just below Sangyeon’s line with the tip of his fingernail. It makes Sangyeon shiver. “Who would have thought that our lines were almost nearly the same exact length. We’ve been waiting for people just miles away from each other…” Quietly, he laughs. The moment they are sharing is infinitely different from the moment Jacob and Kevin are sharing. For them though, it has always been like this. “How do you feel?” There’s a gentleness in Chanhee that Sangyeon is thankful for. It makes him feel like he can be honest with him right now. 

Only one word describes how he feels. He writes it just underneath the smudged  _ please understand _ . 

_ Overwhelmed _ . 

“The happiness comes next,” promises Chanhee when he knows he has no right to. 

⚡

On a Thursday in November, Sangyeon turns eighteen. There’s nothing special about it, and no one even knows that it is his birthday, except for Chanhee. That means that Kevin probably knows too, and Jacob is likely to have found out about it by now. Even though he won’t tell him if Jacob knows, Chanhee does reassure him that they aren’t planning anything. Birthdays are only celebrated at the important milestones anymore, but Sangyeon doesn’t think that any of them are particularly important enough for celebration. One year, five years, ten years, and eighteen years are almost meaningless stops in his life. He knows better than to celebrate his corruption. With each year, another piece of his soul rots away from his body because it can’t stand to know his capabilities. Being cursed should be a sad, lonely existence. Especially since Sangyeon’s locked himself up within himself and no one is allowed to have the key, not even him. 

But Jacob desperately wants it. He tries his best to look at the ugly parts of Sangyeon, but it is Sangyeon’s own greed that keeps him from knowing the depths of Sangyeon’s sadness. It isn’t only sadness though, that sits deep within him. His core is full with a bleakness so raw, he feels like he’s drifting out in space: unable to breathe, but unable to die. Whenever he gets lost in his own mind, he gets lost in that vast, broken part of himself. His whole existence feels torturous when he’s alone, so he tries to always be with someone. Every year, he only feels more unbearable with himself. His eighteenth year is the most dangerous yet. He can hardly look into a mirror without feeling the rush of bile burning his throat. It is like his body knows everything that his mind doesn’t. If they could communicate, then he’d know his potential has reached its peak. Never before has he been this dangerous. 

Even though it is hard to be with himself, it isn’t hard to be with Jacob. Their schedules, while not identical, match up well. Most days, they can manage to have lunch together. Sangyeon finishes up with the school day before Jacob, then he usually just waits out the extra ten minutes until Jacob is done. They spend most of their time in Jacob’s dorm because Sangyeon’s parents are so cold. That’s where Sangyeon spends most of his eighteenth birthday before it all goes wrong. He’s sprawled out on Jacob’s bed, trying not to think about how cold the sheets feel when Jacob’s not there beside him. He wants Jacob to be with him. 

After the school day lets out, Jacob comes in. “You didn’t have to wait for me here,” his face reveals that he’s happy to see him though. A surge of happiness floods Sangyeon’s veins as he sits up to watch Jacob. “Tell me that you weren’t here the whole day, at least.” No anger or irritation color his tone. If anything, he might be worried about how Sangyeon’s been closing himself up lately. He wishes he wouldn’t do that to himself, but he doesn’t know how to stop it from happening. Sangyeon wishes that he could instruct him on how to make him feel again, but he’s even distanced himself from Chanhee. Now, Jacob is the only one he wants in, and even then, he can’t help that feeling. 

Halfheartedly, Sangyeon lifts his hand up to sign to him.  _ All day, yes _ . 

In response, Jacob sighs, dropping his bag off at the foot of his bed before searching for a sweater. “I’m going to go change, okay? Then we’re going out to eat because I know you didn’t have lunch in here.” He’s right, but Sangyeon doesn’t respond. He doesn’t need to. Jacob knows that he’ll agree him if he asks him too. Most of the time, Jacob is forced to take charge of their relationship. Sangyeon often wonders if he hates doing it. Never had he thought Jacob as the controlling type. In all actuality, if their relationship could be normal, then Sangyeon and him would probably talk everything out before making decisions. It’s just too bad that Sangyeon can’t talk. Still, Jacob will look for Sangyeon’s confirmation when asking something different out of him. He knows when to stop and take it slow with him to figure out his real feelings, but a trip downtown to eat doesn’t require an answer because Sangyeon will follow if Jacob wants to go. 

⚡

“Can we take a walk?” Jacob asks. They only met months ago, but Sangyeon feels so calm with him. All of his inner storms clear up whenever he’s with Jacob. It’s the only time he has ever felt this way with another person. It is probably just how soulmates work, but Sangyeon wants to think that it is more than just a destined connection. He wants to believe that he has something with Jacob that’s real and healing and strong. 

A nod is all Jacob needs. Shyly, he takes Sangyeon’s hand into his. They do this all the time, but Jacob is always so shy about it. That’s part of the reason why Sangyeon thinks that Jacob would prefer if he took control in some situations. Naturally, he’s shier than the average person, but that doesn’t stop him from taking Sangyeon’s hand or telling him exactly how he feels. Whenever Sangyeon does something that makes Jacob upset, he hears about it immediately. It is like there is no time to waste with them. They just met, but Jacob’s already laid a foundation of honesty and love. For the first time in his life, Sangyeon feels love in a way that isn’t fleeting. Still, he has to admit that it feels like they are trying to hold onto something before it disappears. It’s such a peculiar feeling. 

Sometimes, Sangyeon will just reach out and twine their ring fingers together. He likes to pretend that Jacob knows that it means  _ I love you _ . There’s no such thing as saying it too early with a soulmate. From the day of their meeting, a pair of soulmates can feel millenia worth of love flooding their veins. Sangyeon thinks that that might be the reason why it is so easy with Jacob. A meeting is just like completing a self. It feels like coming home after years of being overseas and there’s only one person waiting for you, but they are everything. If only he could speak words, then Jacob wouldn’t have to wonder about his feelings. It would be so much easier if Sangyeon just told him what was on his mind, how he felt, and what he wanted, but regardless of the ease, Jacob loves him back. He doesn’t ever hesitate to remind him either. Sangyeon knows how much he is loved, even if he knows he is undeserving of it. 

They follow a pathway that leads to a nearby park. “You know that I love you,” Jacob says, quietly, squeezing his hand. “It’s your birthday, and I know you don’t do gifts, so I wanted to say something to you instead.” Suddenly, he’s looking up at the sky. It’s too late in the afternoon for the sun, so it is setting along the horizon. Its rays are thrown here and there, crowning Jacob and holding the land as though it is a precious thing. “That’s okay, right? I might seem unnecessarily serious right now,” he laughs. Sangyeon’s in love with how he sounds, how shy he is when he looks away to try to laugh off his anxiety. “I need to say it though, okay?” There’s some type of fear creeping into Sangyeon’s stomach, like something’s going to happen, but it doesn’t matter because he just wants to hear what Jacob has to say. Whatever Jacob says, he should say it because he wants to say it, not because Sangyeon wants to hear it. But no matter what it is, Sangyeon wants to hear it. Softly, Sangyeon taps his finger against Jacob’s palm, signalling to him that it is fine for him to continue. At the touch, Jacob turns away completely from the clouds and gives Sangyeon a gentle, watery smile. There are tears that want to rain down, but he’s surprisingly composed. Sangyeon can tell that he’s been thinking about this for awhile. This is another moment that feels pivotal. 

“I love you,” is how the end of the world begins, but no one knows it yet. Jacob’s voice cracks with emotion and it makes Sangyeon freeze. He gives him his full attention. The importance of Jacob’s words is tangible, but he doesn’t why. All he knows is that his heart feels like it is reaching out for Jacob even though he’s already so close to him. “I want you to know that I see how unhappy you are. I– I  _ feel  _ it.” His free hand knocks against his chest to indicate where the pain sits, right underneath his skin. “It won’t always be unhappy, I know, but it feels like you are caught up in some trap, and I just wish I could cut all the strings that hold you. Sangyeon, I  _ desperately  _ want to see you smile. I know it is selfish to ask you to always be happy with me, so I won’t do that to you. Instead, I just want you to know that I’m always going to be here for you. Nothing about your past matters to me because I love you as you have always been.” 

_ Isn’t that how it is supposed to be?  _ Sangyeon knows better than to interrupt him. His heart feels like a chunk of lead rattling around his hollow chest. Jacob is the only force on Earth that can make him feel so delicate and soft. Most of the time, Sangyeon feels like a monster, but with Jacob, he feels fragile. “Can we be like this?” He asks after a shaky pause. Questions immediately jump to the forefront of Sangyeon’s mind about what he means by that, but he needs his board to be able to ask him. So, as always, he stays silent. 

Suddenly, Jacob is closer than he’s ever been. Words aren’t always enough, but Sangyeon will never understand that because he’s never been allowed words. “Can we kiss? I’ve been waiting for today because it is the only other birthday present I could think to give you.” There’s an ounce of uncertainty in him as he moves his free hand from his chest to the back of Sangyeon’s neck. The touch is as toxic as it is addictive. This is a dance that Sangyeon can follow, even if he’s never learnt it, even if he’s never heard the beats. “I’ve always wondered what your voice might sound like. I think it must be beautiful, like the saddest song in the world. Maybe that’s why they keep your voice locked up… because the world is jealous of it.” With his other hand, he traces Sangyeon’s jawline up to his cheek. The notion of his voice being beautiful is preposterous, but Sangyeon’s moved by his words. He wishes he could believe that that’s why he’s cursed, but something much darker is eating away at him and stealing his voice. “I won’t ever ask anything of you, though. I want to stay like this. I love you this way as much as I would if you spoke.” When he reassures him, he laughs and Sangyeon can feel his breath ghost across his lips. 

Their first kiss is an affirmation of the timelessness of their love. Sangyeon thinks that that might be what it feels like, but he doesn’t think it is possible to appropriately describe timelessness. All he knows is that when Jacob closes the distance between their lips, Sangyeon feels time stop. It doesn’t start again immediately because it gives them the time to memorize the softness of each other’s lips. The sweetest boy in the world doesn’t have a sweet taste, but he’s still intoxicating. Sangyeon can imagine kissing him for lifetimes. Kissing him feels familiar. In each life, their lips mismatch one another and their hands wander cautiously to try to find a way to hold each other closer. Jacob sighs, entirely enamored, and it makes Sangyeon melt. His knees threaten to buckle underneath the weight of love. It is a kiss that transcends time. It is a kiss that makes Sangyeon greedy. He wants more. 

Experimentally, Jacob tugs on Sangyeon’s bottom lip with his teeth. The movement contains none of the shyness that Sangyeon is so familiar with. Sangyeon can’t imagine feeling this way ever again, but he hopes that every time they kiss, it feels like this. Everything, for the first time in his life, feels happy and soft and safe, but he still wants to cry and to be alone. Carefully, Sangyeon moves away from the kiss, but Jacob steals his breath away by chasing after him like he knows this is goodbye. Because he’s so taken aback by his excitement, the kiss ends prematurely. His chest is heaving, trying to replace the air he’s breathed in Jacob. When he opens his eyes, he’s looking at the sun. “Wow,” Jacob is standing there, breathing erratic and eyes innocent. Nothing has been corrupted in their kiss. 

And then the whole world erupts into violent red. 

It is like a star has just imploded at the core and is eating away at the Earth to compensate for its death. The fire swallows everything, even burning through the oceans, but it doesn’t dare touch Jacob. Through the flames that lick at his own skin, Sangyeon can see Jacob. He’s petrified, throwing his gaze everywhere to try to find him. “Sangyeon?” He calls out to the wind, but it only exists to fan the flames. Their voices can’t reach each other even though their distance isn’t that far. “Sangyeon?  _ Sangyeon? _ ” Fear weighs heavy in Jacob’s veins. Sangyeon knows that because the same fear is weighing on his. It threatens to swallow him whole, just like the fire. There’s no opening between the flames that are burning through the land, so Sangyeon just stands in the midst of it until it eats him alive. All he wants is to die. 

The curse is true. Regardless of who he thought he was, or he wanted to be, he is the boy who ends the world. His whole existence is an ugly stain for humanity. He marks their ending. All the dreams that he had are being burnt away to ashes. The universe had chosen him to be the ending to its story. The only thing he ever had deserved was death, if only his parents had been braver, crueler people, then he wouldn’t be able to do this damage to everyone, to Chanhee, to Kevin, to Jacob. Seemingly responding to his emotions, the fire becomes more intense. It only makes him angrier. 

“Sangyeon, please, where are you?” Jacob’s voice feels internal. He can hear it, but inside his own head only. “I’m scared. It’s so hot. I feel like I’m  _ dying _ . Oh god, am I going to die?” Could he save him from this pain? Is the world really ending now or is this just a fire spreading through this park? Was he always going to cause the end of the world? There’s a chance this fire is contained to only the park. There’s a chance he’s only killing the wildlife around him. He might only be killing Jacob. 

The sky above him is darker than he’s ever seen it before. It looks vastly empty, like a vacuum sucking the life from the universe. There are no planets, no moons, no sun, but there is red streaking through the sky. Although it looks nothing like it, it reminds Sangyeon of blood, of death, of the end of the world. “Jacob!” Realization hits him when he can no longer hear Jacob. Love pushes him through the flames, but they are endless. Searing pain blinds his sense as he barrels through walls and walls of fire that are smothering the air around him, eating all the oxygen it can. 

He finds Jacob underneath a tree that’s burning, raining fire and smoke down around them. Because there’s nothing else he can do, he tackles Jacob down onto the ground and presses their lips together. It burns just as badly as the flames licking against his skin. “I’m sorry,” he’s crying, but he doesn’t know when he started. Jacob’s face is streaked with tears and ash. Fear threatens to drive them away from one another, but he doesn’t move from underneath Sangyeon. Is it fear that keeps him, or is it love? “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think— I  _ never  _ think—…”

Carefully, Jacob shushes Sangyeon with trembling hands, leaving trails of ashes along his cheeks as he cradles them. “It isn’t your fault. None of this is your fault. How could you have known?” Fire rains down from the sky as though the moon is falling down from the sky, as though stars are imploding endlessly, as though solar flares are jumping straight from the sun. “How could you have known? How could any of us have known?” Jacob repeats himself because he knows that this should be impossible. One person shouldn’t hold the key to the end of humanity. What kind of God exists that could do that? An eighteen year old boy is not a container for death. He’s not a demon preying upon the Earth. 

He’s a boy, in love, wanting and wishing for a future. And  _ God _ , he wished for a future with Jacob, but timelessness can’t truly exist within the same universe as the end of time. There’s no happy ending here because there was never meant to be. Maybe in another lifetime, they could have another chance at happiness, but here, they are ending as they were destined to do so. Fate controls this world, even if Sangyeon hopes and wishes against it.  

“I love you,” they say to each other, and it sounds like goodbye because that’s what it is. 

⚡

They become ash. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope you that it  
> was nice enough. i kept trying to edit it, so hopefully  
> all the edits didn't totally destroy it. // 
> 
> i will probably be participating in 12 princes again if  
> i have the chance! it was really fun to write. i can't believe  
> i got 8k out in a month... especially with no planning. 
> 
> thank you so much again! i really appreciate it!


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